Please ask yourself the following questions honestly:
Do you enter into relationships where you are not 100% sure what is going on, or even if you really are in a relationship?
Do you find yourself in love relationships where you are doing all of the work?
Do you question whether or not he really does love you, whether or not he’s ‘in to you’ and whether or not he wants a future with you?
Do you find yourself making excuses for him as to why he hasn’t called, why he isn’t making a real effort, and why you’re not receiving the love and attention you’d really like?
Do you find yourself frustrated, confused, sad or angry because you are being treated in ways that you wouldn’t treat him?
Let’s explore this further…
Have you realised that this is a pattern if your life with the men you fall in love with?
Have you realised that when you have met man that are available, who indicate they would like a serious relationship with you, that this scares you off?
Have you realised that the man you have loved, who do show you attention have done it in ways that are jealous, possessive, controlling and even abusive?
Have you realised that your parents were emotionally disconnected and unavailable to you, and that when they did show you attention it was fraught with demands, expectations or criticism?
All, many or some of these questions may relate to you…
If you struggle to be in love healthily with partners who are committed, exclusive and loving, or continue to play out ‘uncommitted’ relationships, you will benefit from investigating your belief systems that are not aligned with your goal of real love.
These unhealed parts require your attention in order to get this right.
The Model of Authentic People Ready to Experience Real Love
I’m going to explain to you the model of a woman who does inspire exclusivity, love and commitment from a man.
She is a woman who:
1) Values herself and does not give in to instant attraction. She takes her time to ascertain a man’s values and suitability as a life-partner.
2) She only considers men who are available and want a committed relationship with her as a potential life partner.
3) She does not engage in intimate relationships with any man until she has established that he wants a committed and exclusive relationship with her, and she partakes in a courting process with him whilst ascertaining that he has the credentials to be a healthy life-partner.
4) She is very clear in conveying that she does not have intimate relationships with men outside of committed relationships.
5) She stays ‘in the moment’ and does not start acting out an ‘instant relationship’ by mentally and emotionally running down the track with thoughts and feelings about ‘he is the one’ prematurely.
6) In ascertaining a man’s suitability, interest in her and effort, she has the confidence to speak up, lay boundaries, and choose not to take it any further if he is not suitably interested and if his actions don’t match his words.
Now let’s investigate the mind-set of a solid available man who is in the market for a life-partner.
This man:
1) Wants to pursue and have the challenge of needing to ‘step up’ for a woman who values herself.
2) Is inspired by a woman ascertaining his suitability, rather than her being the ‘yes’ girl and trying to be everything he would like her to be.
3) Wants a woman who has to be valued and respected by him, and courted by him before she hands over her sexual availability.
4) Wants a woman who inspires him to love her, rather than a woman who tries to attain love from him in unhealthy ways.
If any of this feels strange or unfamiliar, or if you struggle to believe this is what good, decent men want, then you are not yet aligned with the goal of creating committed, real love.
If you feel that by positioning yourself as this woman that it won’t work and that you will scare men off, then you are not yet in your power enough for men to stand up for you.
Now we are going to do something dynamic, and I invite you to do these exercises to find out what is going on, and why you are not aligned.
I’m going to explain to you how to muscle test yourself so that you can find out what your limiting belief systems are, so that you can get in touch with the reasons why you are blocked off from obtaining your goal of a real, committed, loving relationship.
Muscle testing is used in the practice of Applied Kinesiology and Theta Healing, I learnt this process five years ago when I trained in these healing modalities, and I utilise it in my own healing model Quanta Freedom Healing.
Muscle testing accesses your vibration, and your belief systems. It tells you the truth about what is going on for you. No matter what your mind would like to think or make happen in your life, if your body vibration (your belief systems) aren’t aligned it is not going to work for you.
Muscle testing accesses the deeper truths, the real inner identity beliefs that play out in your life to the letter, which is not advantageous if they are not aligned with the direction that we would like to travel in life.
But the great thing is, when we can find out what isn’t working for us, then we can transform these beliefs into ones that do serve us.
You can learn more about transforming your belief systems by checking out this earlier post. “Manifesting the Goals and Dreams You Desire”
How to Muscle Test
With your dominant hand hold your thumb and index finger together, and make the pressure firm.
Now, with your non dominant hand put your thumb though the ‘circle’ you have made with your dominant hand and then join your thumb up with the index finger on your non-dominant hand.
You should now have a figure 8, with your non-dominant hand thumb and index finger inside your dominant hand thumb and index finger.
Now I want you to say to yourself this statement
“My name is (your name)”
Now whilst keeping strong pressure with your dominant hand try to break the circuit open with your non-dominant hand by quickly pulling your non-dominant hand through to try to break the circuit.
If you can’t, your answer is ‘Yes’. You will have received a ‘Yes’ for this test – you won’t be able to break the circuit.
Now make this statement: “My name is (use a different name).”
Now do the test again , making sure that you have strong pressure with your dominant hand. You will find that you will easily break the circle when you make this statement regardless of how much pressure you exert to try to keep your dominant thumb and index finger ‘closed’.
Your answer, when you can break the circuit is a ‘No’.
Testing Your Belief Systems About Love
Okay now I want you to follow the same process with the following statements.
Write down your answer for each statement.
1) I value myself with men.
2) I know how to create love and commitment from a man.
3) I am worthy of love and commitment from a man.
4) I believe it is possible to create love and commitment with a man.
5) I believe a man exists who is capable of granting me love and commitment.
6) I have childhood wounds I must heal in order to create love and commitment with a man.
7) I have previous relationship wounds to heal before I can create love and commitment with a man.
The truth is, if you are frustrated and upset by not being granted love and effort from the man you are in love with, you may be unconsciously attracting unavailable and unloving people purposely at a deeper level in order to avoid love and connection.
You may be unconsciously terrified of being in a real, loving and committed relationship.
To find out, answer the following statements following the same process.
Again write down your answers.
1) I am scared of being in a committed and loving relationship.
2) I am scared of someone loving me and then leaving me.
3) I am scared of someone loving me and then hurting me.
4) I am scared of losing myself if I love someone who loves me.
5) I am scared of someone getting to know the real me, not approving of me and rejecting me if they get too close.
Now you should have some answers about why you have been playing out the pattern of unavailable, unloving partners who do not commit to you, and who don’t put the effort into loving you.
The truth is, you can heal these limiting beliefs – which means releasing them and transforming them (re-framing them) in order to turn this around for yourself.
Which helps so much, if you don’t want to continue living out the disappointing patterns which are keeping you separated from your goal of real love.
Please listen to my free radio show “Manifesting the Goals and Dreams You Desire” to understand how you can energetically shift your limiting beliefs.
You may also wish to check out my eBooks and eCourses which can teach you how to reframe your limiting beliefs, and establish healthy beliefs that will work with you toward attracting and maintaining a fabulous love relationship.
How Did You Go With The Muscle Test?
Did it work for you? Did you learn something about belief systems and how they have affected your ability to obtain lasting and committed love relationships?
Please share your answers in the comments.
source:blog.melanietoniaevans
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